No one ever lacks a good reason for suicide Cesare Pavese.

I decided to take a walk yesterday, just reflecting on what to do next, because everything seems to  have a dose of uncertainty in it.

Cynthia, Cynthia, I turned to look at who was calling me, that was when I saw her, what does she want this time.

Sorry excuse me she said, oh yes, excuse you, what’s up?. Do you know this guy, she began to open her phone and try to fix my attention at what she was showing me then I saw him. I was taken aback, That is Taju, I replied loudly. Oh so you know him, I thought as much because i checked your Facebook profile. You both attended the same school.

From then I couldn’t hear anything again, shame wouldn’t make me tell her that he was not only my secondary friend but one of my close friend. I got home and started crying, Taju is dead and the shocking part is , He killed himself.

Why would he choose to end his own life?, is that not being selfish, he didn’t even think of his parents and sisters, didn’t he have dreams, why give up on them so easily.

I read somewhere that people who commit suicide don’t want to end their life but their pain, what pain could he then have been going through  but this still doesn’t justify it.

Taju is gone now, all his dreams, plans, his story, he might just be the happiest person I knew. I wish he spoke to me, I think I need to start talking to someone too when I am down and depressed.

Life is unfair to everyone , we all are just trying to survive each day, pressure everywhere, everything seems like a do or die affair, social media is not even helping matters sometimes it seems everyone have their life together except you.

I know my mother always told me, life is not a competition. I believe her words now, she said, I should just keep doing my best, that bad days will strength and teach me while good days will elevate me.

Suicide should never be an option, no matter how bad it gets, we are never alone. As the saying goes, when there is life ,there is hope. Let’s not put off that hope by ending our life, but fan it to flame, by moving on and discovering ourselves.

Hmmmmm, all my thoughts though, all in my head, but I can’t seem to silence this voice that keeps saying ” You killed Taju”…..